Friday, August 16, 2013

It's a Holiday in Cambodia! OR The Place Where You Can Blow Up a Buffalo with a Rocket Propelled Grenade Launcher for $500



There’s a lot to say about Cambodia, and about Phnom Penh, in particular.  An overwhelming amount.  History, current political tension, cuisine, the arts, the people, my shenanigans here past and present…it goes on and on.  A prevalent theme that I’ve noticed while researching other blogs and successful posts are the ever popular top ten lists.  A nice, simple, consolidated way to give the reader useful information, presented in a user-friendly format that’s short enough not to bore and long enough to give the impression that the topic of choice has been adequately covered. 

Well, I don’t have a top 10 list for Phnom Penh.  What I do have is a random conglomeration of tips, observations and whatever else I feel like throwing in.  I’ve got to start somewhere.  Enjoy!

1.      You can drink the water now!  Sometime in the last five years or so, Phnom Penh’s previously death inducing (if you were already sick or had open scratches, which you most certainly would, given the mosquito population) water supply was purified.  In most places.  It’s still a bit touch-and-go.  I would recommend using a filter.  Alright, screw it, just buy bottled water.

2.       People are finally wearing motorcycle helmets!  Mostly. At least it’s now a law.  But not at night.  Because there are no cops at night...yeah...  Most of Phnom Penh traffic consists of motorcycles and last time I was here I was the only one wearing anything resembling protective gear.  If you are visiting be sure to purchase a motorcycle helmet before getting on a moto-taxi.  This is a land where traffic lights are suggestions, NO ONE has the right of way and there is no right way to drive.  Or wrong way, apparently.

3.       DON’T flush toilet paper down the toilet.  You dispose of it in a bucket conveniently located next to the toilet.  Start rewiring your brain now—call it “bucket paper.”   Also, you clean yourself with a small hose attached to the toilet.  Multiple jokes and suggestions running through my head aside, this is actually a much more sanitary approach toilet hygiene.*

4.       A reasonably priced two hour massage is $12 + tip.  $12 PEOPLE!!!

5.       Open air markets are awesome.  And also terrifying.  But mostly awesome.

6.       The FOOD.  There has been a huge boom in the restaurant scene in the last couple years but don’t neglect street food and market vendors (if you dare!).  I will be doing a photo guide as an ode to all the easily accessible and delicious tropical fruit that I’m surrounded by.  Which will probably just turn into an ode to food.

                                  Passion Fruit!



7.       Art, silks, watches, pretty much anything you can think of is available here (see #5).  Be prepared to bargain.  Vendors can smell fresh meat and will charge you about four times or so what something is worth.  This is an excellent opportunity to engage in a cultural phenomenon and to practice your Khmer!  Remember, it’s all in good fun (and if it starts not to be, just walk away).

8.       The weather/climate.  There are four “seasons.”  June to August is hot and rainy.  September to October is cooler and rainy.  November to February is cooler and not so rainy.  March to May is HOT and mostly not rainy.  Overall, think humidity.  My NOLA people know what I’m talking about.  Also, be aware, when I say rainy some people say “monsoon season.”  Plan accordingly.

9.       The people.  They are very friendly!  You have a few buttheads everywhere, but hey, if you are looking for a place where everyone is the pinnacle of kindness and virtue, I suggest you try the bottom of the ocean.  Practice common sense, reach out to people and have a good time opening your mind to another way of life!  If you are a tourist, you are a driving force of the economy in Phnom Penh and this is a mutually acknowledged mixed blessing in your interactions with the locals.

10.   Last and not least, Southeast Asia is most obviously and most applicably the place where if you have enough money, you can do pretty much whatever you like and the consequences will likely only be moral and between you and God.  Hence, the shooting range where for $500 you can blow up a buffalo with a rocket propelled grenade launcher.*  I implore you not to do this.  I might.  Just kidding…

Well there you have it.  It even came out to ten!

*If you think that’s bad, don’t go to Senegal.  I was there on a service trip when I was fourteen and all you were allowed to use was a bucket of water and your left hand.  Any contraband toilet paper that found its way into the plumbing was to be removed manually by the unlucky culprit.  I was informed of this last bit by my home stay mother.

*My father says that he’s not positive that for $500 you can blow up a buffalo.  He says it might be $350…actually he just said he isn’t positive the place exists at all and not to spread internet rumors.  I’m pretty sure it exists, folks.

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